I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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