Is it because I queefed?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
