problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
