Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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