my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
