i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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