My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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