he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I AM VODKA MAN
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
