she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Randomize
