My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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