Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
