nut hugger
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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