Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
