She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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