a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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