I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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