The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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