The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
