We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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