I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
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Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
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Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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