So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
