I accidentally burped into my bong.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
