she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
