No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
