she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Sext me about skeletons
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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