How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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