I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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