it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize