i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
