An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
