my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
