the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
