im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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