Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
