I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
