If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
