Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
