The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
