Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
