We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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