david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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