Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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