Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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