I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
