Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
