When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
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