we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
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I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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