So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
