My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
