The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
