the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
