I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
