there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
