What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
