I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
