i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize