He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
