ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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