I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
