So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
