Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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