maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
