Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
