So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
