her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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