So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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