Whod you bang
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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