You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
