Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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