Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
