Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
