well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
