A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
