I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
