My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
