i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
