I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
