Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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