Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
