She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
