I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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