if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
